


Refuel

by AlwaysACuteMess



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Skyhill, The Northern Hues
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Long Time Friends, Road Trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 00:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11498202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysACuteMess/pseuds/AlwaysACuteMess
Summary: In the not too distant future, you watch Dan go through one of his toughest burnouts yet. Deciding it's now or never, you pitch an idea that's so crazy you know there's no way he'll go for it, but that you hope he'll see the merit in.Go everywhere.There's more to see than just scenery.





	Refuel

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops it's a thing.

All the signs were there.  
Dan had struggled through more than just a few burnouts in his life, and you’d been privy to all of them. So much so that catching them just before he really spun out was really the only thing you could do. The detriments of his fall were often hard to overcome. The older he got, and the more his career was starting to bloom, the less emotionally and mentally scarring the nosedives came with. It was more just the physical. Working himself sick. To utter exhaustion. All in the name of creating things he thought were worthwhile. That he wanted to share with the world- and sometimes just doing that for himself while lending too many hands to too many friends.

You’d be lying if you tried to say you weren’t one of them. Though you were grateful to have met Dan so many years ago when you had, sometimes being around him was... difficult. When his attention was on you, it was like the only light in the world was shining on you. And when it wasn’t...

Contentment was the name of the game. You were content to be friends with Dan. You were content holding him and helping him as only a friend could during times when he cried from sheer exhaustion. Some nights that felt like too little, but never when he was hurting. Only when you were, really. But it wasn’t meant to be. Because if it was, surely it’d have happened by now, right? No, instead, through years of steady, wonderful friendship, you’d fallen into a realm that was too hard to get out of. You were too _content_ otherwise. He must have been, too. He treated you more like a sister than anything that had a potential to be romantic. That was fine. Things were fine-

Or, they were supposed to be. But you’d been watching him take one of those long, hard strolls towards a very decided end. One that needed bed rest, tears, and peace. Lucky, these days, that that’s _all_ they needed. The sort of self-healing that wasn’t a huge detriment to the soul. He had healed and fixed and repaired himself beyond all his “failed” (his words, not yours) creative endeavors and come out the other side with an adoring fan base and success. All the success he’d ever dreamed of when he was a kid. Performing sold out shows to screaming fans. Singing music- making music- that meant something to somebody. Anybody.

But he always seemed to burn hot and then die out. He worked like he was frightened of calm. Some underlying fear of being forgotten. Of having it all yanked away from him if he even _dared_ to consider taking more than a couple days off. Something he still needed to work on. As did you. So you couldn’t _really_ judge. Except that you did. You did because you wanted better for him. He deserved better than what he put himself through. This recent string of non-stop endeavors had been simultaneously the best and worst of his life. The best because he’d been the busiest, and happiest maybe, he’d ever been making so many things with so many people. But what sort of life was it where a ‘day off’ was something you had to schedule- and then cancel on anyway? When you had to be downtown at one, uptown at three, downtown again at four, and late for a date that ended in misery because you were just too busy to contend with another human?

A good one, maybe. He seemed to think so. The closer he got to that edge, the less sure you were. It was little things, first. Being late for dates he had set. Canceling on his own personal plans. Shunning any idea that he wasn’t okay. Sitting in his car for ten minutes only to fall to tears over how utterly wrecked he felt and then swiftly moving on. Manic, nearly. It spiraled from there. Telling Brian he couldn’t make that music session. Telling Arin he needed to push Grumps back another day. Telling you he was too tired to give you a proper review of your latest chapter. You tried not to take it personally. It wasn’t personal at all, in fact. Just your own stake in him. In his wellbeing.

He was out of control. And soon he knew it, too.  
But what could be done?  
Nothing, he decided.  
Nothing, he told you. Because he didn’t have time for that. He had live shows and concerts and tours and writing sessions and Grumps to record and music to put out and people to do collab videos with and interviews to take and photo shoots to get to and podcasts to weigh in on and-

And-

“I can’t breathe.”  
“Yes you can.”  
His own success was crushing him. And you could only bear witness. At least that’s what you’d been doing for the last year and a half. But this was different, now. This one was worse than the other ones. Because the more fame he got, the more popular he became, the more people wanted everything to do with him. The more things he had to put out. More contracts to sign. More lines to memorize. More things to do. Things to do things to do things to do...

“Okay, I’m breathing...”  
“That’s good. You’re okay. It’s gonna be okay.”  
“Yeah...”

He would be okay, of course. He’d pull out of this one like he did all the others. Because he didn’t have enough time to waste not to. He had too many people depending on him. He had too much to do. But where was the break? When would he open his planner and find a swath of free time?

Never, if he kept on penciling in everything. If he kept on saying yes. Kept on doing. It wasn’t like he needed to come to a dead-stop. But for the next few weeks the lyrics wouldn’t come.  
He had no jokes to quip back with on Grumps.  
He was distant and tired and even though he smiled it wasn’t real.

“You need a vacation.”  
“Maybe in my next life.”  
“Do you remember... when you said that you didn’t like that you couldn’t enjoy your own success?”

You’d been mulling over how to break it to him that he was terrible at relaxing and that needed to change because he really needed to relax. This was the best compromise you found. Knowing what was important to him, and what he’d gone through already, and what really bothered him. His big brown doe eyes looking at you and the soft frown told you you were on the right track.

“So you started trying. Took days here and there. But you always come back _here_. You’re here right now. And I think it’s time you take a vacation.” Laying it out as bluntly as possible so there was no way to dance around it.

His shoulders rolled up in an apathetic shrug and he fussed with his hair. “Yeah, I guess. But not right now. I have to make up some sessions to Brian and I have to-“

“You have to stop, Dan. What- you’re going to keep going to do music with Brian and nothing is going to keep coming out. You’re gonna go record Grumps with Arin and they won’t be good episodes because you’re tired and not really having fun anymore. Tell me if I’m wrong.”

He winced, showing you that you were far from wrong. Not wrong, but hurting him. Spectacularly so. It’s not like you wanted to. But what other choice did you have? “What am I supposed to do?” He asked this in such a heart-wrenching tone you nearly felt like weeping in his stead.

“Stop canceling on your therapist, for starters.” Giving his arm a little nudge, attempting your hardest to bring just a teeny bit of levity.

There was a smile on his lips but it was robotic. “Yeah, they really don’t like when you do that.” Heaving a long sigh out he looked your way again. “Is that it?”

You weren’t really sure what he was asking, maybe he wasn’t, either. “No. You need a vacation. A real one. Not just sitting in your house for a week. I mean that’s nice but it’s not fixing your problems. You need to get away from here and go breathe fresh air somewhere else.”

His brows knitted and he aimed a suspicious look your way. “This sounds _awfully_ rehearsed.” A beat before your frown made him feel bad, “Not that- ...not that I don’t appreciate that you’re thinking about me. I do. But...” But what you were after he seemed to have no clue.

A small silence hung between you as you both watched one another. Then, finally, “I’m going to run away.”

The next smile was real. “Oh yeah? Where to?”

“Everywhere.” You almost nailed being whimsical, for one moment. And he really did seem intrigued. But you had to, of course, ruin it. “Uh- well. Everywhere I can drive in the United States, anyway. But that’s a lot of everywhere.”

His laughter was soft and sweet. “Sounds like a great time. Send me pictures.”

“Come with me.” There was the hope that this didn’t sound as desperate as it felt. For your sake- and for his, as well.

The storm clouds rolled back in. “I- I can’t just pick up and leave. -especially not to go _everywhere_. And driving, too. That’d take like... _months_.” And that was too much currency he was always short on. Time. He never had enough time. And asking to pay months of his time was out of his price range.

You had to do this very carefully. He wasn’t saying no. He was saying that he couldn’t. There was hope in that. “Yeah. And it’ll be great. Look... I’m not asking for you to pull up in a van tomorrow morning... but.. you don’t have tours or shows and- at least you haven’t told me you’re planning any in the near future- so... if we work out a little details- you could... you could come with me.”

His head started shaking, the beginning of that ‘no’ you were trying to keep away from. “I can’t do that to Arin- Brian- I can’t just leave them hanging like that-“

“If you called them right now- _right_ _now_ \- and told them you were burned out and needed to get away, you’re telling me they’d yank some imaginary leash and tell you no?” There was absolutely no way that was true.

“No. God no. Of course not. They’d tell me to take a million years off. But that’s not the point. It’s not about what _they_ would let me do, it’s about what I _should_ do- or shouldn’t for that matter. I shouldn’t just fuck off on them when they need me. I can’t do that to them. For the same exact reason they’d let me go. I love them. I couldn’t just abandon them like that.” There was a fire here, at least. It was true, when Dan loved you, he never let you go. And he tried never to disappoint. Always to do  right by. You were in that category, too, so you knew where it was all coming from. And it wasn’t something to be unappreciative of. But...

“I’m not asking you to disappear off planet earth. You’re not abandoning anyone.” He took a breath, so you reached out, putting your hand on his knee, something that confused him enough to stall his train of thought so you could continue. “So do a bunch of Grumps sessions in a row if you feel you need to- and Brian’s got tons of kickback from your latest album charting number one for three weeks. You aren’t leaving them in a bad spot. And you need this- Dan- if you looked at you and saw what I saw- felt the way I feel seeing what you’re doing to yourself-“

You’d gone too far.  
An ashamed heat washed in over your cheeks.

“I- I just mean- I just- I hate seeing you do this to yourself. And you have time now. You’re a huge success. I’m not asking you to stop forever. Just for a little while. And with every intention that it’ll help you create more when you’re done.” Because that’s all it ever seemed to be about. To go from one experience to the next to make more. Do more. But how could he do anything when he was empty?

He seemed troubled, then, and you nearly regretted trying any of this at all. “I ... I don’t know. I..  have to think about it. I have to talk to them.” This, too, was not a no, but it sure felt like one. He must have sensed your despair. His hand moved to lay atop yours and that heat became _much_ different, but inappropriate all the same. “Look... I really appreciate you thinking about this- about me- trying to look out for me. And it’s not that I don’t _want_ to. Driving around with you and seeing a bunch of cool stuff? That sounds amazing. But I just... I have to keep everyone else in mind, too. And- so... I’ll think about it, okay?”

This was the best you were going to get.  
It still felt like defeat. Tears felt very close at hand, but breaking down now would be akin to manipulation. If you cried he may cave, for all the wrong reasons. You wanted him to accept for him. Not because of how you felt. So you held them at bay. But that wouldn’t last. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Dan.” You pulled your hand out from his. “I’m gonna go home. Get some sleep.”

When you stood he reached out, surprising you as he took your hand again. “Hey- you’re not mad, are you?”

Doing your best, you leveled a gaze his way and smiled. “No.”

He seemed disbelieving. “Are you sure? It feels like you’re... I dunno. _Something_.”

“I’m worried about you. But I’ve said enough of that now. You’re gonna think about it and I’ll... I’ll wait. I’ll wait for a little while, at least.” Not forever.  
You couldn’t wait forever.  
Even if it felt like that’s all you’d been doing. But that wasn’t the conversation you were having.

His lips pressed together and he let go of your hand. “Alright... even if I can’t, I won’t leave you hanging. Okay?” This was just on the edge of him telling you no right that second. But instead he was just pushing his no to later. You already knew that was what he was doing.

It was never going to work.  
It hadn’t worked.

“Yeah. Okay.”

So you said goodbye and went home. Let it go where he couldn’t see it. Started mapping out the US for yourself. What more could you do?

He did leave you hanging.  
Even a no would have been better than two weeks of flat silence. Maybe you’d scared him off for good, this time. Maybe instead of flying back when you ended up on the other coast you’d just... live there. He’d be just as good through Skype as he was now, you supposed. And you weren’t helping anything. He wouldn’t let you. So there was nothing more to do.

“Are you at home?”  
His phone call came in one week after his two week silence.

You couldn’t even be mad. That was just Dan. He’d probably gotten caught up in something. A million somethings. “Yeah.” But you were tired.  
And lethargic.  
And...

“Come outside.”

There was no initial rush over this. You just did as you were told. But feeling swiftly came back when you saw him standing in your driveway, leaning against a van you’d never seen before. In a nice blue color. “Dan- what-“

“Let’s go see everything.” His smile was the most genuine you’d seen it in some time, and beautiful, too. Then he cracked more a grin that came with some of those delightful giggles. “Uh- well. Everywhere we can get to by van, anyway.”

It was a burst of excitement that propelled you into his arms for a tight hug. “Yes! Hell yes! Oh my god- are you sure? Really?”

“I’m gonna be less sure the more we stand out here and talk about it. I did everything I needed to do. Don’t worry. I’ve got time now. And I wanna spend it seeing a ton of cool shit with you. Sooo... pack a bag already. And let’s go.” Clearly truly of the mind that if he gave himself enough time to really think about how foolish this was, he’d back out. But not wanting to do that.

“Yeah! Okay! I’m- I’m gonna go right now!” What would one pack for an undetermined-amount-of-time-trip across the entire USA? How many shirts- pants- underwear- socks... shampoo? What did- what should you-

You were halfway into your house before you whirled around to go back to the front door. “Come in for like five minutes- you won’t decide to back out in five minutes, right?”

“That’s a risky gamble! Maybe I should drive around the block...” He was just teasing, already coming up the walkway, giggles following him.

“Just put your butt on my couch for five minutes! You had a head-start!” Since he was coming in you went back to yanking a suitcase out of the closet that hadn’t been used in quite some time. “Hey-! What did you pack-?” Shouting to him.

“Uuuhhh... like.. two pairs of jeans and... ten t-shirts and... some socks and... some underwear... and.. I think that’s it! Oh- wait- no I brought my phone charger- and my phone-! But anything else we need we can get out on the road, right?” He sounded very unsure about this but tried to sell it anyway.

“I guess!” Who were you to argue? Then again, he probably only owned that amount of clothes, anyway. You owned just _a little_ more but overpacking seemed like a bad idea. So you threw together some shirts and some pants and underwear and socks and bras and a phone charger. It _did_ seem like enough once it was all in there. You did also have the smarts to throw your deodorant in, too. Toothbrush... toothpaste... jacket? Would you need a jacket? Maybe...

“We’re approaching six minutes...” He was singsonging from the other room.

“I’m- I’m coming! I’m coming...!” Zipping up your luggage and pulling it out into the living room. “Okay! Uh- yeah- whatever I missed we’ll just pick up later. I guess.” You had your phone and your wallet. Everything else was just everything else.

He helped you take your luggage out of the house and put it in the back of the van while you locked the door. Someone would have to come pick up your mail. You’d have to put the bills on auto-pay. You’d have to-

“Hey, you coming or what? I’m trying to start an adventure here.”

None of it was as important as the man calling to you. So you put it all aside, turning to him with a smile and trying not to rush down the walkway and get into the passenger seat. He backed out of the driveway just as you put on your seatbelt. “Okay. So. Everywhere?”

“Yeah. Everywhere. It was your idea. Where to first?” Reaching forward he turned the Sirius XM Radio on, something he no doubt paid extra for, dialing to Classic Vinyl. 

“Let’s drive up for a while.” You could plot everything out perfectly in Google, know exactly where traffic was, where the toll booths would lay, what towns to hop in and out of-

But there was no fun in that.  
You wanted to see everything.  
With him.  
Why spoil the middle parts with planning?

“Up for a while. I like that.”

Bad Company’s _Moving On_ rolled in over the speakers.  
This felt like a dream.  
Even more so when he looked over and caught your eye, smiling in a way you’d never quite seen before. At least not ever at you. “Thanks for this.”

So you smiled the same way back. “Yeah.”

It was the start of something amazing.


End file.
